I lost that
by a landslide this past week. Folks were not a fan of what I had to say,
though it was the truth. A truth that I had taken time to carefully mold and
shape so that it would land with ease within their minds and hearts. The
majority had none of it and instead attacked me personally and directly for
simply stating a fact, seeing no need to craft their words with the finesse
which I sought. I kept hearing Billy Joel sing about the loneliness of honesty.
I knew
before I made my declaration that I was entering stormy waters but after
careful thought chose to dive in anyway. Why? Because it seemed important and
because it involved children. It mattered to me because in time the children
would be the ones to ultimately pay the price, and through no fault of their
own. So I stood up and others tried to knock me down.
I won’t
pretend it felt great. Hiding behind the skirt of the internet some people can
be vicious. Nor will I proclaim that I am so virtuous that I didn’t want to
lash back with what I found to be very fitting, insightful and witty comments
to the absurdity I faced. My desire to remain neutral and not personal faded a
bit each time someone slung words my way.
I knew I was
being offered a lesson, one of the hardest ones we humans face- not getting
caught up in what our fellow humans might think of us. So how exactly did I
accomplish that? Not perfectly, that’s for sure, but that was not my goal. My
goal was to bring myself back to center and my place of power each time I began
to flounder. I dug deep in my toolbox and practiced what I know to be tried and
true.
1-I vented.
Getting it out of our head is the first healthy step to moving forward but it
is imperative that we don’t stop there or else it’s all just a bitch session
with no end. When we don’t move beyond this we keep ourselves trapped as a
victim.
2-I focused on
the minority of the “responders” that did support me, though their numbers were
few.
3-I chose my
battles. Some people were so invested in proving me wrong that I could have
gone back and forth with them for days, and so I chose to remain mum and in my
mind agreed to disagree. Other times I stood up for myself in an assertive fashion
by simply responding that they had the right to their thoughts but they were not
free to attack me, as I had not done so to anyone else.
4-I reminded
myself that those that had a thing or two to say to me knew me not at all and
intentionally concentrated on the people around me that do love me.
5-I listened
to Mother Universe as quotes appeared in my day. Quotes such as: “It’s easy to
stand with the crowd. It takes courage to stand alone.” Who actually said it,
Mahatma Gandhi or Rumi, seems to be up for debate but I felt more secure with
those wise words than with what was being offered to me via my social media
responses.
6-I took a
step back and tried to see it from the others’ perspective. I attempted to
understand what had gotten them so riled up. I asked myself and those close to
me if I could or should have done something different, while holding the space
of being open to feedback instead of defensive. I stated, “I’m willing to learn.”
7-I utilized
a technique called Tapping to calm my racing thoughts.
8-My mind continually
wanted to replay the events. It was then that I would say in response- No mind, we’re not going there. Let’s pay attention to and feel the beauty that
surrounds us instead.
9-I reminded
myself that it was not the crisis it felt like.
10-And I did
it all again and again.
As the dust
settled I wondered whether it was worth it and if I would do it all again. The
answer, is yes. I concluded that the only thing I could have done differently
was to say nothing at all, but I would not have felt happy with myself if I had
chosen that route. I am here for a purpose and a cause and this situation fell
under that umbrella. So I did what I came to do- which does not include being
popular.
I share this
all with you so that you too might know how best to handle the criticisms and
judgments of our fellow human beings. And I tell you that I could have done
none of this if I hadn’t taken the time to know myself and my truth personally.
What I did, through the years and this past week, is what we are all being
called to do. I share my path with you in hopes that you shall begin, or
continue, on yours.
Be well and
happy.