Confessional

I’ve come to confess, each one of you my witness. I’ve a few flaws. Shocked, I’m sure you’re not because I stand in good company. Let’s have a show of hands, anybody else out there bear any blemishes? Anybody? Don’t be shy, we all come with a less than pristine rap sheet. Perhaps if I share with you what I know to be true about myself you might find it easier to bring to light that which you have been trying to keep in the shadows.

Anger and I share a close bond. I tend to hold onto it long past its expiration date, some part of me believing it is necessary for my very survival.

I have a tendency towards self-centeredness. While on my personal growth journey I can become so self-absorbed, focusing on what is going on inside of me, that I forget that there is a larger world that exists outside of my head.

Selfish I can be. I am not the congenial person on the road that waves you ahead of them in the construction zone. Okay, I might let you in but my natural proclivity is to speed up so you can’t get in front of me, as though I was once again standing in line in my elementary school days. And if you do happen to sneak your way into line before me, I fantasize about ramming my truck into you. True story.

Stubborn is part of my DNA. It takes monumental effort to sway my thought and opinions, however erroneous they might be. After all, I think very highly of those opinions.

When tired, the only thing I have to give is hostility. Waves of malice permeate the air to keep all at bay and if that’s not enough, I call in the daggers which will shoot from my eyes.

I have all the patience in the world, until I don’t. It is then that I must make monumental efforts to not say the unkind thoughts racing through my brain. Sometimes, the thoughts win that battle.

In my unconscious moments I am judgmental of others I deem to be less conscious than me. Ironic?

Is that enough for you to understand that I have my faults? I’m sure there might be some other qualities that can caste me even further in a less than tolerable light. But the point I’m trying to make, is that I own all of those behaviors. I could give various explanations for how all these traits came to be, and they might hold some weight, but the fact remains they still exist. I’m not necessarily proud of my list of failings but neither am I ashamed.

We are not the sum of our “sins”, instead they are but momentary expressions of part of us. In truth I, and you I’m sure, have just as many stellar and loving traits. It is when we openly admit our personality quirks that they begin to lose their power over us and are less likely to make surprise guest appearances. In addition, they can no longer be used as ammunition for those moments that another decides to shine the spotlight on our personal warts because we have already seen them in all their glory.

Denial has no place on this leg of the journey, but acceptance should be relied upon heavily. Acceptance doesn’t mean, “That’s just how I am, so deal with it.” No, no, no. It simply implies the acknowledgement that we are not perfect, ahhh, and while striving to not inflict harm upon others with our weaponry, well, we sometimes have a misfire. Perhaps a fitting title is “Embracing Your Inner Ass”, the goal being that we cease to judge ourselves and instead hold ourselves. After all, it is our Inner Ass that requires the most understanding, transforming ever so slightly when met with a loving and compassionate heart.

Be well and happy.