Monday, March 28, 2016

Hopeless Case

There’s really no hope for you. Whatever it is you might be struggling with will haunt you the rest of your life. You are destined to repeat your life of pain again and again, simply passing it on to the next generation so that they too might live a life of despondency. Your suffering will be most especially amplified if another has hurt you and through their death they have left you with no apology for their wrongs.

Oh, you’re still reading? I thought I might have created such a bleak picture above that you have since slipped into the putrid bowels of depression and despair, or that a sense of self-preservation caused you to avert your eyes from the page. It’s a hellish rendition of how life might be lived, one that I stumbled across and read, that only left me bewildered and shocked.

When I read the passage posted by this other individual I gasped. Out loud. And then I cringed as the echoes of ‘No, don’t tell people that!’ rang through my head. Obviously it was an authentic account of that person’s experience but one that I long to shine some light upon so that they, and those that might take it as gospel, can potentially see matters from a fresher, more inspiring and less somber perspective.

What I wanted to say to the other writer is, “Please don’t ever take away peoples’ hope. Often times it is the one and only thing that can keep us going.”  In my own life I have known this to be true as I sought healing from childhood abuses and the absence of apologies for those actions. Hope gave me the courage to move on, however slow and painful it might have been.

Hope was a whisper of insight, inspiration and possibliites. Hope was the gentle guiding hands of an angel that said, “Come this way.” Hope made me open my eyes, lift my head that had been hung in defeat and see the promise of a new day, a new dawn within me. Hope said don’t give up because I haven’t given up on you. Hope carried me when the agony left me weak. Hope was my life-line.

So, to suggest that the circumstances of our torment are meant only to be a festering mess strips away our power and purpose for life. It says that we are to live only from a place of victimhood and that our happiness relies solely on what it is we receive or suffer from another. It implies that our life is pointless, a virtual Groundhog’s Day of anguish that bleeds into eternity.

I cannot say it strongly enough, it doesn’t have to be this way. There is another choice, and it is hope that can take us there.

You will be asked to be the master of your life, not a puppet. You will be called to comfort, soothe and validate all that seeks healing within. You, not someone else.

No longer will you naively imagine that an apology will vanquish all the misery. You will cease to long for the apology that never was, knowing that even if it were to present itself there are still emotions and thoughts anchored to the hurtful events that call your attention. You will come to stand in your power and not hand it over to the people around you.

And it is hope that can take us there.

Will it be pleasant stroll in the park? Probably not. But the places you will come to know within yourself will only become more magical as hope casts a dusting of glimmer on your personal landscape. You will know your purpose, and it will be to love yourself, the wounds that were your teachers, and the stumbling blocks that took you down a path you couldn’t have foreseen- but hope did. 

I beg of you, don’t release your grip on hope. I offer it to you so that you too might find your way out of the darkness. I promise you, hope will take you there because that is what it has done for me.

Be well and happy.

My Bookhttp://tinyurl.com/Relentlessbyspringer

Monday, March 21, 2016

Fear-full to Fear-less

Fear came to call on me since last we met, like a cacophonous parade unleashed in my mind. I was being faced with decisions and fear had one too many thoughts on how I should, or should not, proceed. Mostly should not, because it kept rattling off all the reasons why I must do an about face on a project I hold dear to me.

Fear bought the notion that it was protecting me. I’m not going to lie, it had some valid points. In truth, the messages it was sending me were based in facts from my past. But that’s the point, it was programming from my past. What I was to do in the present had me tossing and turning as I took time to sort through the gnarled mess that was before me, and it was a mess.

The most basic form of self-preservation yanked me back, all efforts focused on chaining me in place lest I do something radical, like speak my truth. The world isn’t always a fan of truth, many in it would prefer I continue to play nice and deny my experience. And fear whispered louder and louder that that indeed would be in my best interest.

Initially I bought everything that fear was selling. Sit down and shut up seemed like it might just be the easiest way. Soon enough I realized that initially it might be the road of least resistance but began to question if it would it be in-line with the greater good that I hoped to serve. Following fear’s lead seemed to be more an act of selfishness, one of self-preservation, as I felt myself shrinking into a corner instead of standing in the expanse of my light.

But fear is a tenacious bastard and soon had me wondering again, but what if? Yes, we’ve all danced with that question many times and for many reasons in our life. There are loads of possible answers to that query. I decided that dividing that question into two different mindsets would help me to see with greater clarity as to how I might continue.

I made a mental list of potential outcomes, both desired and undesirable, for the questions: What if I do?  What if I don’t? That was when fear began to lose some of its hold on me. I understood that not continuing on the path I had begun would leave me disappointed in myself. Others will always have their thoughts and opinions but what I needed to focus on was my own sense of self, and I didn’t want to let myself down by letting fear be my guiding force.

With that I had to own that there may be some unfavorable outcomes for myself and a few others, but ultimately I sensed that a greater good would be served if I had the courage to continue to move forward. My project wasn’t just to benefit me, but many. 

In writing about this it all sounds so fluid but I must say that it was a tumultuous process. Fear had me crawling into my own mind, feeling depressed and despondent, and unable to see a larger picture. I was beginning to believe my fearful thoughts. I must say it was quite uncomfortable but despite that it still it took great effort to pull myself out of that mindset.

I had to force myself to literally get outside, of my own head and house. Walks in nature served to remind me of the vastness and complexity of our world. With that perspective my issue suddenly seemed a bit of minutia in the whole cosmic play and I also began to tap into the universe’s desire to only and always support me. I was not alone.

Yes, I was not alone and so I had to reach out to those in my life that could display and offer the support I needed. I shared my story with others and with each telling my vision became clearer, I found myself again. And it was when I reconnected to me, not fear, that I knew and understood what direction I next needed and wanted to take.

With my intentions in site once more, I was able to reflect back on where I had been. What I realized that I was making a common mistake, I was looking for a way that I might still fulfill my goals without any discomfort on my part. I was not accepting the situation for what it was and instead was unsuccessfully trying to mold it into something it was not. I was fighting the reality of what stood before me and it was only through processing that I threw in my sword and embraced its totality. There were no short cuts to take, the only way through it was through it.

Lastly, I was unknowingly scrambling to find a way to move forward without any fear. Again, not an uncommon approach taken by us when faced with a challenge, but one that is often done in vain. So I say to you, there is still some fear attached to my choices but it is courage that prevails; and courage tells me to carry on despite the fear.

And so I will.

What is fear whispering to you? How is fear tossing you about in a challenge that faces you? Your choice is no different than mine, step into the river of fear and be swept away further from your truth or painstakingly wade to the banks of mindfulness. Which will you choose?

Be well and happy.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Complimentary Gift

This week’s post is a great follow up from our discussion last week about judgment, or at least I think so.

I would categorize myself as not the most outgoing individual. I’d prefer not to waste time and effort on idle chatter. I’m quite content to keep to myself and in fact can spend hours alone with no TV or distractions of any sort. I just kind of go about my business, both at home and out in the world. But I decided to change things up a bit and I must say the results have been successful.

This week as I meandered about in my community I intentionally gave others compliments or well wishes. When my eyes landed on the latest stranger coming my way I scanned the situation in an effort to share a kind word.

I didn’t offer anything necessarily grand, just a whisper of thoughtfulness. I saw a noticeably pregnant woman and wished her luck in her obviously near adventure. One particular shopper looked quite dapper in his purple shirt and tie and so I told him so. I even told one woman I liked her eyebrows! I know it sounds silly but she had clearly put a lot of time and effort into the stellar shape of her brows and I thought they looked cool, so I told her. I was always genuine in what I would say.

Each time something caught my attention I would share my offering with its intended receiver, and on I went. I must admit it was quite fun, sort of like a treasure hunt and it was heartwarming to see a flicker of gratitude spark in someone else’s eyes. Although- the eyes did prove to be the one of the challenges in my little adventure because sooo many people do not make eye contact as they’re going about the world and so it was hard to get their focus, but I persevered.

And I’m glad I did because I felt joyous after my jaunts. I realized that my experiment was a service to me as well. With my mind consumed by my charitable goal it had no space for critical judgment (See that’s where last week’s blog comes into play.) and I liked that lighter feeling.

Perhaps this next week you too can step out of your comfort zone in order that you might provide a loving moment to those that may cross your path. Let them know for an instant that they matter and that they were seen. I promise you, you too will be on the receiving end of your own sense of comfort.

Be well and happy.